Ask the Savvy Bride

Friday, January 08, 2010

Bridal Shower 101

Dear Savvy Bride,
I’m sixteen years old, and my big sister just got engaged.  I’m her maid of honor, and I’m really nervous about doing the shower.  I’ve never even been to one before!  What all is involved, and who is throwing it besides me? (My mom wants to know if she’s supposed to help.)
Nervous
Erie, PA
________________________________________
Dear Miss Nervous ,
You have nothing to worry about, since you are obviously planning ahead.  When well organized, the bridal shower will be one of the favorite memories for you and your sister.  Let me answer your second question first: Generally, all of the bridesmaids together split the cost and planning efforts of the bridal shower.  Sometimes, there may also be a close relative or friend of the family who may offer their house as a location for the shower. According to etiquette, the mothers are never involved, although in your case, it would be acceptable to ask her advice on some of the planning.  You’ll find that simple guidelines and preparations turn a potentially stressful situation into an occasion to enjoy and remember.

So what is the first step?  As soon as possible, schedule a preliminary “planning party” with the other bridesmaids.  If some are out of town, either have a teleconference or just email them the notes from your meeting.  At the first get-together, establish a date (usually 3-6 weeks before the wedding), location (at a reception hall or a family friend’s house), theme (if applicable), and budget breakdown.

Secondly, agree on an even assignment of responsibilities so that one person doesn’t end up with all of the work.  Normal duties to consider include: purchasing invitations, favors, paper products, decorations, corsages for the bride and two mothers, gift, wrapping, and card; addressing and mailing invitations three weeks prior to the party; and planning and executing a menu and drink selection. Generally, all of the bridesmaids are involved in contributing to the menu.  If the shower falls in between meals, plan on having a selection of 6-8 items per person. Guests will appreciate your forethought in providing a good variety; for example, be sure to include choices of fresh fruit and vegetables for those on a diet. Make sure that everyone keeps her receipts so that the cost can be evenly distributed.

Third, all the bridesmaids should touch base again at least a week before the shower, to reconfirm everyone’s part in the responsibilities, and to check the number count of guests who have responded to the invitations.  This is also the time to schedule the set up at the chosen location to put out decorations and favors. If the party will be held at a friend’s house, offer to help with cleaning the day before. Also, allow ample time for decorating and food preparation both the day before as well as the morning of the shower.  Make sure all bridesmaids allow for one to two hours of cleanup after the event.

Lastly, keep in mind that just like the wedding day, some small part of your planning may not go exactly as expected.  However, remaining calm and pleasant despite the last-minute preparations will set the tone for the bride-to-be and her guests, creating a warm and welcoming atmosphere they’ll remember with fondness.

Sincerely,

Savvy Bride
________________________________________
Quote for Miss Nervous:
“A happy bridesmaid makes a happy bride.”
-Lord Tennyson

Saturday, April 25, 2009

How to Select a Veil to Match Your Wedding Dress Style

Dear Savvy Bride -
I have browsed dozens of veil styles, but I have no clue what I want (other than one of those puffy nightmares from the 80s!).  Are there any fashion rules or trends for narrowing down the veil type according to your dress length?

Still Searching
Annapolis, MD

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Dear Miss “Still Searching:”

Most women are adept at putting together a complete outfit for any given occasion, but the wedding day is one occasion we have no precedent for, and we only have one chance to choose a look that will live forever in our memories and photo albums. Given the importance of this day, the selection of the veil is a necessary part of the complete look. Several things are crucial to keep in mind when matching your veil to your dress style.

  * A simple dress = a simple veil. If your dress has no or very little train, you should select a fingertip veil, or 36”.
  * A dress with a medium train can handle a 42” or 50” veil. Likewise, a sweeping train pairs nicely with a cathedral 108” veil. However, the rule to remember is never to let your veil be longer than your dress.
  * Consider the detail on your dress. Ornate embellishment on a wedding gown should not compete with an intricately embroidered and busy veil. Be sure your veil is translucent enough for your guests to see the detail on your dress! However, if the back of your gown is fairly simple, you could select a veil with delicate embroidery, since your back is visible to your guests for most of the ceremony.
  * Decide whether or not you would like to use the traditional blusher or whether you would like the double-layered look in the back or a simple, more translucent style.
  * Lastly, if you are purchasing a cathedral length veil, you should consider whether you will want to simply take it off or buy a shorter fingertip veil for the reception, as your dress will be bustled at that point.

Hope that helps!

Sincerely,

Savvy Bride

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Quote for Miss Still Searching:

Brides always look beautiful. However, their beauty lies not in their attire, but in the warm glow of love that radiates from their faces.

Simran Khurana

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Selecting the Perfect (And Pain-Free) Shoes

Dear Savvy Bride -
I know this might seem like a trivial question, but I’m most worried about picking the right bridal shoes.  What if I trip?  Ok - so that probably won’t happen, but what if I’m so uncomfortable that I have blisters one hour into the most important day of my life? 

Concerned
Boston, MA

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Dear Miss Concerned,

Your fear is understandable. Every little girl has a dream of her wedding day. Most wouldn’t include a frozen smile that is trying to mask the pain from blistered feet! Thankfully, there are several simple rules to keep in mind when shoe shopping for your wedding.

The most important consideration is not necessarily fashion, but comfort (although finding both together is a bonus!). Choose a style and height similar to what you normally wear. If you are a “flats” girl, this is not the time to break out some 4” heels simply to make a statement!

Choose a quality manufacturer so that you can be guaranteed a comfortable fit. According to last year’s Wedding Demographics Report, the average bride-to-be spent $321 on her accessories (not including jewelry, headpiece, or veil). Examine your budget for shoes, and buy the best that you can within your means. A good bridal shoe should cost anywhere from $30 to $120 depending on the label and fashion.

Consider the color and make of your dress, whether it be ballgown or mermaid; white, diamond white, or ivory. If your dress is very full, chances are that no one will see your shoes, so it won’t matter very much what you have on your feet. However, if your dress allows for more shoe visibility, make sure that your shoes are dyed to match your dress.

Shop around for the best selection. Some retail shoe stores carry dyeable satin shoes, so this would be a good place to start. Another option is to shop online for greater selection. However, if you choose this approach, there are several things to keep in mind: As mentioned above, be sure the online store carries a reputable manufacturer. Also, buy from a store that allows returns/ exchanges.

For the best luck finding a perfect fit without trying it on, consider your foot type. If you’re one of the lucky people with perfectly proportioned feet, shop to your heart’s content! However, if you are one of the many with either narrower ankles or a wider instep, you may want to either consider a ballet style or a sandal / strappy style that will allow for adjustments. Straps cover a multitude of misfits!

Once you’ve found the perfect shoes, the last step to obtaining comfort is breaking them in. Don’t wait until the big day to slip on those beauties, or your feet will be hating you by nightfall! Start by wearing your shoes for ½ to 1 hour at a time around the house (but not anywhere you’d be likely to get scuff marks or dirt, obviously!) Plan on doing this at least 5 times if possible before your wedding. Once you’ve started to break them in, practice the kind of movements you’ll be making on that day:

-Slow, measured tread down the aisle
-Quick pivotal movements while turning to greet guests
-Dancing steps, if that is in your itinerary

Now that you’ve found the perfect shoes and broken them in, relax and forget about them! Time for that little girl dream to unfold - pain and blister free!

Sincerely,

Savvy Bride

________________________________________
Quote for Miss Concerned (about falling):

“Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.”
-Albert Einstein

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Wedding Dress Guidelines

Dear Savvy Bride –
I’ve been looking through wedding dress magazines for months (even before I got engaged), but I still don’t know how to narrow down my choices – I love so many!  Are there any tips for where to start?
Thank you!

Miss Excited
New York, NY
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Dear Miss Excited,
Every bride has dreamed of her wedding day from the time she played dress up with old white sheets for a train… But when that dream finally arrives, the selection from countless styles and designers can be overwhelming.  A few simple guidelines regarding style, comfort, budget and ordering tips will help each bride-to-be find the perfect wedding dress.

The first step of wedding dress style is to consider body shape. If you have narrow shoulders and hips, you could get away with either the slim fit or a ballgown look.  The bride with wide shoulders and narrow hips should consider a ballgown or wide A-line skirt. Draw imaginary lines from your shoulders to your hips; ideally, the lines should be exactly vertical, creating balance.  However, if you have narrower shoulders and wider hips, select a simpler A-line that flows gracefully from the waist without the large “puff” of a ballgown.

Secondly, select a dress for comfort while keeping in mind the season, fabric type, and size. If your planned nuptials are in the dead of winter, find a bridal gown with sleeves.  Also, while lace is lovely, if it is directly touching your skin, it could be irritating after eight hours.  Lastly, don’t purchase a dress three sizes too small for your current figure! It is far easier to alter a dress in than it is to take it out. Be confident in the way you look now – after all, your fiancé proposed to you as you are. If you happen to lose a dress size, that’s wonderful!  Just don’t give yourself the added pressure of being required to fit into the most important dress of your life when it is too small.

Another comfort consideration, if you are one of the growing numbers of women looking for a modest dress, is to select one with sleeves and a high front and back. To find a contemporary style meeting these guidelines, you may need to research more than the average bride, unless you live in certain parts of the country where every bridal store carries modest dresses. To avoid paying a seamstress several hundred dollars to alter your selection, consider looking at the online choices.

Thirdly, a vital consideration in this economy is to work out a budget before shopping.  If you only have $400, don’t even tempt yourself by drooling at the $2,000 high-end designer gowns.  Do your research ahead of time.  Many shops will have semi-annual sales up to 70% off. Also, more and more designers are creating cheaper options within the frugal budget. By researching and purchasing a dress online, you may have a better selection and price; however, be sure to measure carefully and buy from a reputable store.

Above all, start shopping a year in advance if possible.  Order your dress at least 4 months ahead of time, as it takes a minimum of 12-16 weeks to come in, and then alterations will require another month or so. 

By following these simple guidelines, you can be confident in finding the dress you’ve imagined from childhood.  Enjoy your “princess” moment, and create a memory to last a lifetime!

Sincerely,

Savvy Bride
________________________________________
Quote for Miss Excited:

“I chose my wife, as she did her wedding gown, for qualities that would wear well.”
-Oliver Goldsmith

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Music to Marry By

Dear Savvy Bride –
I’m trying to find some wedding music for the ceremony.  I’ve never really been into classical music, so I don’t even know where to start. Help!

Musically Challenged
Lake Tahoe, CA
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Dear Musically Challenged,

Music is one of the most powerful tools to set the mood for any occasion, so you’re wise to put serious thought into what sounds will commemorate your special day. If you’ve never been much exposed to classical selections, you’re in for a treat as you begin to choose your wedding songs. First, let’s start at the beginning. Although you said you want “ceremony” music, since you mention classical, I assume what you are referring to is prelude, processional, and recessional music.

Prelude music should be soft choices of classical or instrumental jazz. Typically, the musicians will play about five to six pieces (or twenty to thirty minutes worth) while your guests are seated, followed by one while the mothers are seated. Choose from:
Wachet Auf – Bach
Water Music: Air on a G String –  Handel
Minuet in G -  Beethoven
Greensleeves
Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony
Arioso - Bach
Sheep May Safely Graze – Bach
Bist du Bei Mir – Bach
Silent Worship – Handel
Ave Maria - Schubert
Midsummer Night’s Dream: Nocturne – Mendelssohn
Wedding Day at Troldhaugen – Grieg
Pastorale – Handel

Next, the processional will include two pieces: one for the bridesmaids and flower girl, and one for you.  When selecting these songs, think about the rhythm speed, because you and your bridesmaids may unconsciously fall into step with the beat. Top choices include:
Prelude no. 1 of Bach - Gounod
Four Seasons: Spring - Vivaldi
Canon in D - Pachelbel
Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring - Bach
Four Seasons: Winter - Vivaldi
Water Music: Allegro I - Handel
Arrival of the Queen of Sheba – Handel
Wedding Cantata – Bach
Toccata – Widor
Bridal Chorus (Here Comes the Bride) - Wagner

Lastly, the recessional will start with a joyous, declaratory song while you and your new husband walk back down the aisle.  Musicians will continue to play three to five pieces while your guests are excused from their seats.  Favorite recessional selections include:
Ode to Joy – Beethoven
Trumpet Voluntary - Clarke
Water Music: Hornpipe – Handel
Psalm XIX - Marcello
The Royal Fireworks: La Rejoissance (The Rejoicing)
Sinfonies De Fanfares: Rondeau - Mouret
Midsummer Night’s Dream: Wedding March – Mendelssohn

Now, how do you choose between these?  Either borrow a classical cd from your local library or order one from Amazon, Ebay or Walmart.  The most popular choices of wedding cds are: “25 Wedding Favorites,”  “Classical Wedding” by Craig Duncan, and “A Day to Remember” by the O’Neill Brothers,  (Piano Brothers). Another option would be to listen to 30 second samples online at a service like Rhapsody, and then download or buy the ones you like.

I hope you enjoy your search for just the right soundtrack to your wedding day!

Sincerely,

S. Bride
________________________________________
Quote for Miss Musically Challenged:

“If music be the food of love, play on.”
-William Shakespeare

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Budgeting Blues

Dear Savvy Bride,
My fiancé is an accountant, and we can’t agree on our wedding budget at all.  I keep telling him what all of my friends spent, but he doesn’t think all of the “hoop-la” is necessary. I still want a nice wedding. What can I do?

Perplexed
Cincinnati, Ohio
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Dear Miss Perplexed,

Unless you have $28,000 on hand, your fiancé’s concerns are understandable, since the average wedding last year cost $28,704 to be exact (2008 Wedding Demographics Report).  If you are serious about finding a number that will work for both of you, this is the time to sit down with your finances and any family members who will be contributing to the wedding, and make out a budget (see the attached customizable spreadsheet, and delete any inapplicable items).  Be realistic and avoid emotional subjectivity.  If you are concerned that your wedding still be “nice” in the figure that he would like to spend, examine your ideal vision of a wedding.  What one or two things are most important to you? After you’ve allotted a little more of the budget to those items, so that you will be pleased, you can begin to bargain hunt online. 

Hundreds or even thousands can be saved if you research before buying your rings and decorations.  Purchase do-it-yourself invitations, favors, and programs. To aid you in your endeavors, look for the following books on http://www.fetchbooks.info or http://www.amazon.com: Bridal Bargains: Secrets to Throwing a Fantastic Wedding on a Realistic Budget; How to Have an Elegant Wedding for $5000 (or Less): Achieving Beautiful Simplicity Without Mortgaging Your Future)

One of the biggest areas to save money is your reception.  Consider having an earlier wedding so that your reception can still be considered a “lunch,” cutting your expenses by as much as 40% (Usually this means 1:30-4:30).  Choose cheaper options like chicken or fish instead of the filet mignon.  Sometimes server “stations” can be cheaper than traditional sit-down alternatives.  Lastly, as difficult as it is, limit your list to your closest friends and family.  It is not necessary to invite distant relatives you haven’t spoken to in over ten years.  Again, use the same mental image I mentioned before.  When you remember your wedding day 20 years from now, whose faces do you most want to see in your pictures?

The last big spending area to trim down is your honeymoon. Save the exotic destination for a five-year anniversary trip when you’re both not so tired from all of the planning and preparations, and select a beautiful, relaxing location that is within an easy drive or quick plane trip. ! Use a service such as http://www.entertainment.com to find honeymoon suites as much as 75% off of the normal rate. Also, you could choose to work with a timeshare company to select a gorgeous condo or villa at a vacation spot for more privacy and space.  (If you do this, please be sure to read the visitor reviews and ask for more pictures and details!) (Examples: http://www.timeshare-resale-rental.com/searchrent.php; http://www.vacationtimesharerentals.com/; http://www.myresortnetwork.com/; http://www.cyberrentals.com; http://www.vrbo.com/)

To sum up, all you have to remember are the 3 Rs: be Realistic, do your Research, and Relax - everything will be beautiful!  The most important thing is not the amount that you spend, but the fact that you are starting a new life with your best friend, and it sounds like you are an excellent balance for each other!  Enjoy this special time!

Sincerely,

S. Bride

________________________________________

Quote for Miss Perplexed and her budget-conscious fiancé:

“How do I love thee?
Let me count the ways…” 
  - Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Friday, January 16, 2009

Picture Perfect Presentation

Dear Savvy Bride –
I’m planning a fall wedding, and I found some chocolate brown silk bridesmaid dresses I love, but I’m not sure what colors to use to compliment them.  Any ideas?

Color Conscious
Dallas, TX
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Dear Miss Color Conscious –

That is a great question, and I’m glad you’re planning so far in advance!  Brown is a beautifully rich color for autumn, and there are three different directions you can go with your complimenting colors. 

• First, you could opt for the more traditional and warm fall colors of wine red and gold.

• Your second choice would be the more cool color palette of brown and pale green or sky blue.

• A last selection would be the trendy choice of brown, pink, and white.

I hope these choices helped!  I would love to hear which option you choose!  Good luck!

Sincerely,

S. Bride

PS.  All the items you see other than the bouquets are found on our website: http://www.sensiblycoutureweddings.com

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Quote for Miss Color Conscious:

“In our life there is a single color, as on an artist’s palette, which provides the meaning of life and art. It is the color of love.”
- Marc Chagall

Saturday, January 10, 2009

The Essentials of Organization

Dear Savvy Bride –
I got engaged in August, and I’m getting married this June 20, but so far, I’ve only picked out my dress!  I’m starting to panic.  How do I get organized before it’s too late?

Procrastinator
Atlanta, Georgia
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Dear Miss Procrastinator –
First off, take a deep breath.  You are in good company, but with a detailed plan in place, you will have no problem pulling off your perfect day.  The first step is to look at a 5-6 month checklist to establish what you should accomplish by the end of each week.  Next, get yourself a calendar and write the major goals into date slots for each week.  Think through your typical week, and select a 2-3 hour time block once or twice a week that you are likely to be able to consistently set aside to work on wedding planning. 

Next, you are ready to organize your ideas and materials!  If you don’t already own an expanding organizer, get one! (Ex:  http://www.officedepot.com/a/products/141626/Globe-Weis-Globalfile-Poly-Easel-File/)  Insert your labels, such as: ceremony, reception, flowers, cake, invitations, gifts, etc. Buy some bridal magazines or browse your favorite bridal sites and print or cut out ideas that strike your fancy: a floral arrangement, bridal makeup, attendant gifts, favors, invitations, decorations, etc.  Every time you find something you like, immediately file it in your organizer.

As you’ll see from the checklist, the most important thing to nail down within the next week or so are the vendors that are likely to book up quickly – especially because June is one of the busiest months of the year.  Ask friends, research online, or browse your local yellow pages to find 2-3 options for each of the following to compare prices and services for: reception sites/ caterers, photographers, musicians, cake bakers, and florists.  Ask each vendor to mail or email you some price and service options for you to compare. Meet with the ones you like, but use the lower-priced quotes you received as a bargaining tool if possible.

From here, your best key to success is simply sticking to the checklist, using the same time block every week, and staying organized with your findings.  If this still seems overwhelming, enlist the help of a family member or good friend – someone you feel comfortable being accountable to.  This is not the time to pan off months worth of work on others; just admit that you need help!  Most friends would love the chance to be involved in the fun of wedding planning… and keep in mind that’s what it is: fun!  Stay positive, and you won’t panic.

Sincerely,

S. Bride
________________________________________
Quote for Miss Procrastinator:
“Oh, they say when you marry in June, you’re a bride all your life.”
– Seven Brides for Seven Brothers

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